Company Should Embellish, Not Complete
One of the things I used to dream of as a child were these massive get-togethers I’d host at my house every weekend when I became a grown up. They were inspired by my mom - the original hostess with the mostess. Back when we lived in New York, I remember these massive parties she’d host in our three-family house. I'd climb from the basement to the top floor on a loop soaking up all of the action.
The parties dwindled as I got older and as our lives changed the parties got smaller until finally, there we only a few tried and true people at our events. We nestled inward, relying on close family and each other and then we moved to Florida and started from scratch. At that age, I hadn’t quite processed why it was happening -- I just knew that it was my job to bring back the glory days when I could.
One day I flat out asked my mom why she’d started keeping her circle so small. She answered with the following:
Lesson #5968: Company should embellish, not complete.
There is a science that curating your inner circle demands. No matter how strong-willed and independent you are the people who surround you are make or break. Knowing this to be true, there are two things you have to remember when crafting your circle:
When you aren’t complete on your own you lose the power to be selective in your company. I learned this the hard way (with men), but it applies to the different social dynamics equally. There’s nothing like being a control freak without control.
I like to think of this same concept in terms of money because it takes the emotions out of it and helps me apply it elsewhere objectively.
When you are in a piss-poor financial state you are at mercy of the people with money. It means things like lenders dictating the terms of a loan or taking a job offer that is less than your worth because you have no other choice. Your financial state creates a form of desperation and desperate people take what they can get.. Financial security allows you agency in the same way that wholeness does.
You can afford to be selective when you’re not hanging on for a lifeline.
QUIZ: Are You Whole?
Once you reach a place where you alone are enough, it becomes very clear whether people are adding value to your life or sucking it from you. There’s nothing worse than looking around and realizing that the number of people you’re pouring into outweigh the number pouring back into you. Reciprocity matters.
Bottom line -- anyone who has a presence in your life needs to make it better. Period.
If you’re not contributing, or worse, making it worse then you shouldn’t be around. You should leave everyone better off than when they met you. Of course, this works both ways and constantly challenges me to look inward and take inventory of what I bring to the table in my own relationships.
There is nothing worse than dead weight and so, the mark of people who belong is their own personal growth. You don’t need co-signers to your dreams as much as you need people who are growing on their own path whilst you grow on your own.
Intentionality means demanding of your environment the excellence required to grow. Those demands are allowed to fall on the people around us too.