Don't Save Her


Fairy tales have always been my thing. I’ve studied Disney Princesses. I spent the first two years in my college dorm surrounded by them in the form of decor. There’s something so attractive about these happily-ever-afters where princesses get seen and adored for who they are. Belle was a book nerd. Cinderella the ugly stepchild. Aurora was cursed at birth. Tiana a chef with big dreams.

While these women may have seen hardships because of their identities, eventually this became the very thing that got them love and acceptance. As a bit of an ugly duckling myself at the age when I first became enthralled, there was a draw there.

Falling in love with fairy tales meant my spirit also unwittingly accepted the fact that the key to happily every after lived somewhere outside of me. It set me up with this idea that one day someone else would see and love me for who I am, and that love would give me permission to shine more radiantly.

Read: Chosen

I think I believed that my happily ever after would make it easier to be me. That someone else would carry the burden of creating the life I wanted and drop by to whisk me away once it was ready for me. It’s how I could have vivid dreams marked with one-days and when-I’s while still waking up to circumstances I was merely settling for.

Lesson #58319: Stop waiting to be saved and save yourself.

The thing about waking up everyday waiting for life to get better is it says you have no control. Granted there are some things you don’t have control over. Some situations have to play out the way they were destined to, some things won’t ever happen no matter how hard you tug at them. And sometimes it is our need for control that squeezes the life out of any possibility of happiness to begin with.

Listen: #BeingHonestPod: What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Sometimes life is contradictory in that way. It says you don’t have control over what happens in finite detail, but also that you have the power to create whatever reality you want. Perhaps it’s not a debate over what kind of power we have, but over where we have the dominion to wield it.

Focus on what you can and leave the rest. We rob ourselves with this concept that if we do not have the power to orchestrate exactly what we envision, then we do not have any power at all. And so we wait to be saved, all while signaling to ourselves and the world around us that we are willing to stay this version of ourselves until someone or something unlocks the one we really want.

Read: Silent Killers

Maybe my happily ever after looks more like creating the spaces I crave in spite of childhood curses, or evil stepmothers or princes turned frogs. A prince would still be nice, and he’s out there, but in the meantime my focus has to shift to creating the kingdom I want in his absence. I have to start treating myself, instead of waiting to be filled up by my knight in shining armor.

It is only when you step out on that faith, that says you’re still going to enjoy life, alone or with company, that you set the stage to save yourself. And let me tell you, wholeness is infectious.

Read: Chapter 26

So here I am, armed with the lesson that sometimes happily-ever-afters lie within. I’m working to be an embodiment of what I want to see around me. And that’s more than just becoming the best version of me. It’s more than evolution.

It’s about action.



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