On Minding Your Own Business and Drinking Your Water

I recently did an exercise where, in order to figure out the kind of woman I want to be, I wrote about her in the third person -- the way others would describe me. One of those qualities was a positive energy that’s infectious. I want people to be around me and feel the need to elevate just by my aura. I want my presence to be rejuvenating and not draining.

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For some time now “vibes” have been the wave. We’ve all been looking for ways to create them and cutting off the people that don’t. As someone who has had a hard time letting go of people who cross my boundaries, stepping into a terrain where protecting my energy was the only goal that mattered felt empowering. It felt good to prioritize myself, because I hadn’t for so long. It felt good to have the strength to say goodbye to toxicity, because I had a tendency to let guilt and sweet nothings whispered push me into the passivity of letting it linger there. Then one day I came across one of Tracy G’s Instagram stories where she basically challenged the notion of cutting people off for energy purposes. The gist of her message was: what’s the point of taking the time to recharge yourself, if not to pour it back into others? Stop banishing people who haven’t grown to the place you have and love them instead.

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It made me realize that I’d been looking at my quest for positive energy from the wrong vantage point. Instead of figuring out ways to cut things out of my life, I needed to be looking at ways to create more of what feeds me. Doing so automatically sets the bar for everything you interact with. For example, I know which friends to go to when I’m feeling super shady and who to go to when I need a reset. That knowledge comes only from the barometer they’ve set with their own energy. It’s not so much about pruning as it is about create an atmosphere for yourself where certain things are unable to survive. If everytime a juicy gossip session starts you change the subject, soon people won’t even bring it up to you anymore. If things are going awry and you set a positive tone, the people around you will feed off of that and contribute to it.

This is not a manifesto on loving the toxicity out of people. That’s not your job or your ministry.

It’s more of an exploration on the things we could create if we looked inward for solutions rather than projecting outward. This concept of “energy” is new for me. I’ve been reading about manifesting with your thoughts and elevating your vibrations and to be honest it’s sometimes still this trippy kind of thing that I can’t fully wrap my mind around. What I do know is that I’m drawn to this line of thinking from my spirit and sometimes that’s all the understanding you need. The bottom line is that what you focus on, you create more of. So, what if we all looked inward to the energy we’re projecting out into the world and focused on making that the most positive it could be? By that law everything around us would shift to positivity too. Imagine the impact in your friend group alone.

Learning to police my own energy instead of that of those around me has really made me better as a whole. It’s allowed me a newfound compassion that knows how hard it is to stay chipper when everything around you is going haywire. With the spotlight on me my imperfections become that much clearer and it leaves less room for the judgement of others. It opens up the door to being recharged and pouring what I can into them. I’m minding my business and staying hydrated all the way to my best self.