On Confidence

What is it about confident people that makes them so magnetic? 

As I've been getting to know myself better, that question has bugged me more and more. The truth is, as seemingly confident as I am, I'm really just faking it hoping the insecure parts of me will catch on soon. And while I wait for the memo to be received I've been searching for answers.

What is Confidence
What is Confidence

In September, I went to the Made in America festival and saw Rihanna perform live for the first time. Before then I had been a fan, but there was something so magnetic about that performance. She was exuding confidence, from her pores, and having fun with it. 

Duh. She's a performer. You have to be confident and bold to do that, right? 

That led me to an old interview with her and Oprah. This was a little after the Chris Brown fiasco and she was opening up about how humiliating it was. In that moment, my broken pieces identified with hers, with her pain, and I realized that maybe this elusive confidence is more about acceptance than an attitude. She had reached a place where she could talk about those emotions and that disappointment without the shame that was once attached.

What if confidence is just self acceptance? Because it takes a certain level of acceptance to a) be true to yourself and b) assert that sense of self over others unapologetically.

What if confidence is just self-love the garment? Because in scripture, we're told that God gives us a "garment of praise" in exchange for the "spirit of heaviness". It means that He will exchange despair of joy (Isaiah 61:3). In the same way, maybe confidence is a garment of self-love that is bestowed upon you when you learn unconditional love towards self. 

It could be, that confidence is the prize you get for learning how to love yourself in the purest, most vulnerable state. A love that accepts the flaws that make you feel unworthy. A love that gives you permission to shine no matter what. Confidence is a garment -- you wear it for all to see. 

And what's magnetic about that? There's power in that kind of truth and freedom. It's something all of us want. 

Some of the most broken people learn to be confident because they know what it's like to lose everything and so, they have nothing to lose. Confidence is what you get when the dust of healing settles in people who fight to do the inner work with their broken pieces. Really, it's a mastery of who you are.

I hope this realization clicks inside of you.

And that your broken pieces identify with mine.

And that, together, we can go on this journey of self love.

I've written this short manifesto as a pledge and a reminder that I am allowed to shine and because self love is a radical, revolutionary act that takes courage. Take the pledge with me, because you're allowed to shine too.

A Self Love Manifesto

I will love myself unconditionally, especially the broken pieces. I will work towards healing always, even if that means getting help, because I cannot reach my full potential without being whole. This is my journey and I am perfect the way I am because God created me this way. I am getting to know my true self better each day without the burden of expectations. 

Let's keep the conversation going. What are some things you do to help yourself feel more confident? Share in the comments below! 

ReflectionsAsh Nelson