Promises in Prayer
Two years ago I hit rock bottom.
I remember the day vividly. September 24, 2015. I woke up that morning too distraught to go to work. I tried watching TV and napping to clear my mind until, finally, I had to escape the confines of my room. There was a package from my parents at a FedEx drop-off location a few blocks away. I’d go and do that.
I literally rolled out of bed, grabbed my phone and keys and just started walking. It was a new place in a new neighborhood and I had to GPS my way to the store. On the way back my phone died. I’m directionally challenged so that definitely created an issue. Normally, I would have started freaking out, but on September 24, 2015 I didn’t care.
I walked and prayed and cried until suddenly I was back on my block. Instead of going back into the prison walls of my apartment, I wandered over to a small beach down the street.
That’s where I gave my life to God.
As I sat on the dock and looked out into the water, the world seemed so big. There I was, one little speck on the list of things God dealt with around the clock. If He could make all of these things work, then surely He could turn my life around. Right?
So I asked Him. I begged Him. I screamed at Him. And I sat in silence waiting for an answer.
He answered and for the first time I knew what others meant when they said God spoke to them. Although I didn't know just how He would make good on His promise to turn everything around, that warm September day taught me about the power of prayer and inner knowing.
Two years later and God is still working, but since then I’ve shaken depression, gone from working to pay the bills to starting a career in an industry I love, picked up a couple freelance clients, finally decorated my apartment and launched a blog and brand that fulfills me in ways I never could’ve imagined. These are all things I’ve prayed for and without paying attention, they’re things that would have went over my head. I write this because I never thought I could. The darkness of where I started threatened to stay forever. Through it all I’ve clung to the prayers I’ve made hopefully and sometimes inaudibly on late nights alone in my room through sobs of despair.
There are things you've prayed for that you will never notice if you don't look up long enough to.
As I sat on that same beach this weekend, alone with the waves, I realized how far I’ve come and how much closer I am to the woman I’d always envisioned I would be. For so long, I’ve been caught up on that promise. On the how and the when. Maybe part of that promise was making me wait so that I could become more me than I have ever been.
Part of your purpose unfolds in the waiting, so that you can become more you than you've ever been before.
My prayer life has been a roller coaster of up and down, of talking to God and ignoring Him, but His grace has allowed the journey towards my calling to persist even when I fight to come to a standstill.
My prayer life has been a reflection of the one I’m living out here on Earth. There are moments of hope and reassurance and moments of fighting to even keep it alive. And what I’ve learned is that the true beauty in prayer comes not from the excitement of promises fulfilled, but from the perspective shift that allows for peace unsurpassed.
There’s power in knowing that with a sprinkle of faith and a small cry for help, He will come in and carry you through. There are high days and low days, but prayer works. Fruit comes from sowing and tilling, from sweating and bleeding, but the fruit does come. That's the promise in prayer.
In order to help myself get consistent with prayer and noticeably track the changes it's making in my life, I'm using this Promises in Prayer Worksheet. It allows me to keep track of what I've been praying for and what the answers I've gotten in return. Join me on the journey of an intentional prayer life.